One of the things which is important during martial arts practice is to determine the intensity level / contact level with which you train. When I was 15 years younger I did not always understand this, assuming that people would be training at the same intensity level as I did. Even after my sensei talked to me about this, I did not always get it right. Over the last years I've been training again, I thought some more about it. Since I am one of the more senior students, it is important that I get it right.

The reason for intensity

We are all on the mat to study martial arts. This implies that eventually, we have to expect attacks (and counters) to have an intensity that causes physical harm if the receiving students makes a mistake. It has to be like this. We have to be challenged by our workout. We all train to 'receive' an incoming attack and deal with it accordingly. A very important part of this training is psychological. One has to learn to stay calm and focused even when at risk of harm. If you don't train towards that goal, you'll panic and mess up when you are in a situation where someone is really trying to harm you.

Even though no student starts out at that level of training, it is important that he or she understands that they will be taken out of their comfort zone bit by bit, into the zone where an exercise always carries an amount of risk. If they expect always to be 'safe' during practice, then that is the wrong mindset. Such people might consider taking up another activity which does not require this. If they stay, they'll only be disappointed, frustrated or angry when they do get hurt. I once explained this principle as 'Martial arts is not flower arranging'.

This is also why I tell all new students that they have to try and actually hit me. If I stand still and their fist stops 20 cm in front of me, they'll create a situation where what I do is of no consequence because it is 'safe', which in turn creates the wrong mindset for training. Additionally, because their positioning will be unrealistic, I will train my waza in an unrealistic manner, which can give a nasty surprise if I ever need it in a situation where the distancing is realistic.

Figuring out the right intensity

This is of course a subjective thing. If the sempai and I are training, every attack is meant to hit. Attacks to the head always have to be controlled to some degree of course. If we practice tai sabaki and he makes the wrong movement, it would be bad manners to cave in his skull with my bokken, just to make a point. I think we can all agree on that. However, if the attack is to the chest or the legs, a mistake will cause a sizable bruise.

However, the only reason we can train at that level is because we are supposed to know what we are doing. If you are training new things, or with people for whom the exercise is new (ish) you cannot do things like that. both people then have to work at slower speed in order to properly learn the techniques. You can only do that if you have the time to figure out the correct movement and positioning. Only then can the intensity be slowly notched up so that the technique can be learned under increasing pressure.

So there is no single intensity level that is correct. It all depends on the people in volved in the drill, and what their skill and experience are at that point in time, in the context of that particular exercise.

The same applies to the actions performed as Tori. If the person attacking you is relatively inexperienced, slamming him into the ground is not a great idea. Likewise, if he is not used to kihon exercise, blocking his kicks and punches with a powerful strike every time is not going to do much good either. And of course for locks, pressure points etc the same principle applies. Training intensity level is a dynamic concept, regulated by the skill and experience of all people involved.

What if the expectations don't match?

Sometimes, people have different expectations about the appropriate intensity level. Generally this happens if one of the partners is relatively new, or if he has been training for a long time in another system where everyone was expected to train with 1 specific intensity from day one.

There are a couple of things that can be done to fix this. The first and most obvious is to talk with the sensei. Such things are best done in private to prevent the issue from becoming a personal issue. The sensei is always the first logical person to go to. Of course, normally the sensei and the senior students keep an eye on things during practice. If things become unbalanced, they should take notice and take action as appropriate.

Also, you partner might simply not be aware of the discrepancy, because different people have a different understanding of what constitutes 'hard'. In that case it might be an option to 'mirror' him or her and block / lock / throw / ... with the same intensity. If that comes as a surprise to your partner, it means he was not aware of the difference, and you can 'recalibrate' to a level where both people gain.

Note that the previous solution should not result in a game of 'one-up-manship'. The ultimate goal is to get better through challenging training, not to see who can stand the most pain or hits the hardest. Ultimately, if there is a continuing problem, talk to your sensei in private after class.